By working in law enforcement for over twenty-five years, I learned that remaining calm during dangerous and difficult times is a powerful tool for control. I studied techniques of the Ancient Stoics to remain calm. The Stoics believed that remaining calm during chaos comes down to mastering your perception, controlling your emotions, and focusing only on what is within your control. Here are some key Stoic principles to apply:
1. Control Your Perception
Interpret Events Rationally: Events are neither good nor bad; your perception makes them so. Marcus Aurelius, a Roman Emperor, wrote, “You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
Imagine two people stuck in traffic.
Person A is going to a job interview for a position they desperately want. They do not take into account the traffic, which makes them late, and they miss the opportunity. This event feels bad to them—stress, disappointment, and possibly financial strain.
Person B, however, is on their way to a surprise party where they are the guest of honor. They were running ahead of schedule, so the traffic helped them arrive at the perfect time, keeping the surprise intact. The same traffic feels good to them—gratitude, anticipation, and joy.
The event (traffic) that can be accounted for is neutral. Its interpretation depends on each person's perspective and situation. This aligns with the idea that events are neither inherently good nor bad but become so through our perceptions and reactions.
Reframe the Situation: Instead of seeing chaos as a threat, consider it a test of your inner strength.
2. Emotional Control Through Reason
Detach From Emotional Reactions: Epictetus, a Greek Stoic philosopher. advised, “It’s not what happens to you but how you react to it that matters.” Train yourself to pause and think before reacting.
Use Premeditation Malorum: This is the practice of visualizing worst-case scenarios in advance, so they don’t shock you when difficulties arise.
Imagine you’re preparing for a big presentation at work. Instead of just visualizing everything going perfectly, you intentionally imagine potential challenges in the “what if” scenario.
Technology fails. Your slides won’t load.
Your mind goes blank. You struggle to find your words.
The audience seems disinterested. People are on their phones.
By mentally rehearsing these difficulties, you can create a plan:
If the tech fails, you'll have handouts as a backup.
If you lose your place, use your cue cards or take a mindful breath to regain focus.
If the audience seems disengaged, ask an engaging question or share a quick story to recapture attention.
Through this Stoic practice, you strengthen your resilience. When obstacles arise, instead of feeling blindsided or panicked, you feel prepared and composed—able to respond with a clear mind.
3. Focus Only on What You Can Control
The Dichotomy of Control: Separate what is within your control (thoughts, actions, and decisions) from outside your control (external events, people’s opinions).
Imagine you're applying for a promotion at work. You can break down the situation into two categories:
Things within your control:
Preparing thoroughly for the interview
Improving your skills and qualifications
Presenting yourself confidently
Managing your mindset and attitude
Things outside your control:
The decisions of the hiring committee
The qualifications of other candidates
Unexpected company policy changes
Personal biases of the interviewers
Let Go of Outcomes: Do your best but detach from the results—fate will take its course.
4. Practice Mindfulness and Presence
Stay Grounded in the Present: Instead of worrying about the past or future, focus on what you can do now.
Deep Breathing & Meditation: Seneca, a philosopher, recommended returning to your breathing to maintain clarity.
5. Embrace Adversity as Training
Amor Fati (Love of Fate): Accept everything necessary for your growth. See obstacles as opportunities to strengthen your character.
Imagine you've been training for months to run a marathon. On race day, just a few miles in, you twist your ankle and can't continue. At first, this feels like a huge disappointment.
Instead of resisting what happened, you embrace Amor Fati—the Stoic practice of accepting and loving your fate, no matter what it brings.
You shift your perspective:
Acceptance: You acknowledge that this setback is part of your journey.
Opportunity: You use this time to strengthen other areas, perhaps focusing on upper body workouts or developing a meditation practice.
Gratitude: You find meaning in the situation, appreciating the lesson in patience and resilience.
Through this mindset, what initially felt like a failure transforms into a steppingstone. You accept the event and learn to love it as a necessary chapter in your story.
Integrating Amor Fati into Your Work:
In "Designing Tranquility," you could present this as a strategy for cultivating a peaceful environment—seeing every obstacle as a chance to adapt and grow.
In "Mastering the Alpha Mindset," you could frame it as a hallmark of true strength: thriving in any situation by embracing challenges with a positive, opportunistic outlook.
See Yourself as a Warrior: Epictetus compared life to a battlefield where you must remain composed and strategic, not reactive.
6. Lead by Example
Be the Calm in the Storm: When others panic, your calmness can positively influence them. Like a Stoic leader, demonstrate resilience and composure.
Imagine you're a leader at work, and your team struggles to meet a tight deadline. Stress is high, and morale is low. Instead of just telling your team to stay positive and work hard, you demonstrate it:
You roll up your sleeves and work alongside them, showing that no task is beneath you.
You maintain a calm and focused demeanor, even when challenges arise, modeling how to handle stress gracefully.
You prioritize self-care by taking short, mindful breaks to think about the situation and encourage your team to do the same, demonstrating the balance between productivity and well-being.
You show accountability by owning any mistakes you make and setting a standard for honesty and growth.
As a result, your team feels supported and inspired. They naturally mirror your attitude and work ethic because they see you living the values you promote.
Tying This into Your Work:
In "Mastering the Alpha Mindset," you could highlight that a true alpha leads through actions, not just words. This reinforces the idea that respect and influence are earned by setting a strong example.
In "Designing Tranquility," you might illustrate how creating a peaceful environment starts with embodying that peace yourself—showing others how to remain centered through mindful practices and intentional living.
Stick to Virtues: Act with wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance no matter the situation.
By practicing these principles, you cultivate inner peace even in the most chaotic situations, turning adversity into an opportunity for growth. Would you like to integrate some of these into a mindfulness exercise or self-defense training concept?
In Stoicism, maintaining equanimity regardless of external circumstances shows true strength. My book, 12 Steps to Sophisticated Manipulation, focuses on understanding human behavior, mastering influence, and strategically responding to situations—which naturally encourages a calm and composed mindset.
The Stoics believed that while we cannot control external events, we can control our reactions. 12 Steps offers tools to assess situations objectively, reducing the impulse to react emotionally.
The book promotes a rational, thoughtful approach over knee-jerk responses by teaching readers to anticipate and navigate complex interactions.
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